unsent

dear lo, you were my first love, my first girlfriend, my first everything. part of me being what i am today i owe you. you were the only one who had the guts to tell me the truth and that’s why i have been loving you for all these years. i just have to thank you for being part of my life.

dear catherinne, you were my first and only true infatuation, i would die for you, i adored you the most that i could. it was really sad to make up all those lies in my mind to be able to keep on living after what i thought we had. now i see you just tried your best to not hurt me and i owe you my deepest apologies for the way i behaved after we split up, it was just to much for me to keep on seeing you always because we had some strings attached. i know i'm never gonna love anyone like i loved you. it was as sick as beautiful, what can i do?

dear lillian, you were the sweetest one for me. you had your issues, which i was not able to find any solution, it’s that i was too deeply involved into my own ones. i guess i just used you to see if i was still able to have any kind of relationship, you were so small and craving for any kind of attention, i could not help myself from being such a cunt to you. i have to admit that i used as an excuse the trip that was imposed on you to break up with no bad feelings for being such an idiot. i really owe you apologies.

dear camilla, you were my dream for a really short period of time. it was as intense as fast, i guess it was the first time that i enjoyed the present without caring too much about the next day. i really don't blame you, i would have traded myself for a car too.

dear argentinean girl, you were the most naïve platonic love i've ever had. it was just unreachable and i
knew it all the way we went through together. i guess i was craving for love and attention like a small animal. i'm glad i could overcome it and now we are really close friends.

dear susan, you broke my heart into a million pieces and then got a really big truck and ran over it laughing a wicked laugh. i really don't blame you, i was way too much indulgent towards you. you just got it and used it in your own behalf, and you broke me by doing this. i really believed you and you lied to me like you did to your mommy. maybe i'll never be able to really trust anyone on account of you. thanks for being kind to me during all the time we were together, but i guess you really put your foot in your mouth, cause it all went real wrong and you managed to hurt me like no one else ever could.

dear anna, i was willing to give you all the love i could, i really could make you happy as it had never been done before towards you, but you simply chose not to, and i admire you and respect you for that. i think we can be real good friends, i just must understand all this flow that goes through my body when i am near you and stop believing that for once you're gonna do what's best for you.

dear samantha, you are rocking my world and my point of views. i am not sure if you are being sincere or just fooling me around, but i guess it really doesn't matter now, all of these people had already done it before, so i will allow you to do it, if that's what you are meant to. you are being able to heal little by little all the shit that had been done to me and i admire you for that, even if you are not what you say you are. i am beginning to develop a great caring towards you and you have the power to make me think i really can reach what i intend to. so, if you are just an illusion, keep on being that till somebody else is able to take your place, cause i am starting to get up and walk again. i just have to thank you for whether being true or unfaithful.



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the names have been changed to preserve the integrity of the ones who are in this version of this alanis' song.